Oscar Projections & Insipid Commentary, Part I

BEST MOTION PICUTRE OF THE YEAR

Brokeback Mountain

Hideously overrated, but will probably WILL WIN just to reinforce that the gays own Hollywood. Which we do, by the way. *sugarsnap* George Cukor is probably pissing himself in his grave.

Capote

Okay, let’s face it: this was fucking excellent. Probably the first film I’ve scene to depict writers as the scared, soul-sapping monsters they can be. Given the oblique subject matter, I find overwhelming positive response to be sort of a surprise.

Crash

If you don’t count Magnolia, consider Crash “Short Cuts: The Sequel”. But this time we get a whole lotta’ ham-fisted, one-note insights on race. A lot of people were affected by it, I just fell asleep in my corn nuts.

Good Night and Good Luck

Skipped it.

Munich

For my money, this is the film that SHOULD WIN, if only for the fact that it merits its own controversy and makes all other historical fiction look irrelevant. The screenplay is a debacle and it isn’t a better film than “Schindler’s List” or even “Capote” for that matter, but Good God, it’s certainly more brave.

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BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A LEAD ROLE

Phillip Seymour Hoffman for Capote

Someone call the doctor, we've got a rare SHOULD WIN/WILL WIN situation. A performance that shows anyone who thought they could act that they were, in fact, very, VERY wrong.

Terrence Howard for Hustle and Flow

Skipped it.

Heath Ledger for Brokeback Mountain

Best Underplayed Performance? Maybe.

Joaquin Phoenix for Walk the Line

Stellar in the music sequences. Was he acting too? Funny, I can't remember.

David Strathairn for Good Night, and Good Luck Skipped it.

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BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEAD ROLE

Judi Dench for Mrs. Henderson Presents

Skipped it.

Felicity Huffman for Transamerica

Gender confusion is so passe. I wasn't particularly convinced that was transgender, either. Obviously I've seen too many episodes of Desperate Housewives. But still, this was an achievement. Definitely a SHOULD WIN.

Keira Knightley for Pride and Prejudice

Skipped it. (Yawn)

Charlize Theron for North Country

Skipped it.

Reese Witherspoon for Walk the Line

Reese's cups sure does one mean rendition of "Wildwood Flower", but please spare us the vintage dresses. WILL WIN.

- MORE CULTURE VULTURE SNARK SOON TO COME -